“I’m not gonna lie, I just wanted to spank you” – How Brooks Koepka routed Bryson DeChambeau

After months of bickering, beating in interviews and on social media, then seemingly catching up at the Ryder Cup – there was even a brother hug! – until that unraveled earlier this week, Bryson DeChambeau and Brooks Koepka finally got the chance to sort this out on the golf course.

And this episode of “The Match” wasn’t really a match. It was a rout.

The drama may not have been there, but the storytelling and trashy speech didn’t disappoint – from Koepka and / or commentators Charles Barkley and Phil Mickelson.

Here is how it happened:

Scoreboard: Koepka wins 4 & 3

N ° 1: By 4

And we head off to the Wynn Golf Club, with DeChambeau handing out cupcakes for Friendsgiving on the first tee, which drew a slight smile from Koepka.

DeChambeau ran into trouble early on, his first tee shot landing behind a small bush in the pine bark. Luckily for him, he got a free drop because the sprinkler system was in his line of play. He hit his second shot in the bunker on the green. Koepka’s drive also went well in the rough, but he managed to hit the green.

Koepka putt two putts and DeChambeau got up and down to equalize the hole.

Results: Tie with pars.

N ° 2: By 4

DeChambeau may wish to recall this a little. His second tee shot was even further to the right than his first. Then he landed again in a bunker on the green. Koepka hit the fairway again and took advantage of a 15-foot birdie putt to take a 1-lead.

Mickelson correctly knocked off the putt because of the grain, and Koepka replied, “Oh, Phil, good call,” while pulling his ball out of the cup.

Coming off the green, Koepka looked back.

“Bryson, that’s good,” he said.

It’s about to get crispy.

Results: Koepka wins with birdie

N ° 3: By 3

On the hole closest to the charity pin, Koepka’s ball ended up in the deep rough to the right, while DeChambeau’s was about perfect, landing at pin height and around 8 feet from the hole.

Koepka hit a nice chip about 2 feet away.

Before DeChambeau attempted to birdie, Mickelson asked him what was going on in his head. His answer was about what you’d expect – a 40-second in-depth explanation.

“It’s quite simple: it’s 11½ feet [with the uphill], 2% straight putts here and to be honest 10 or 11 feet straight putts, ”DeChambeau said in part.

Of course, he left the putt low and missed a good opportunity.

Results: Hole tied with pars.

N ° 4: Par 4

Koepka’s tee shot went well. Mickelson said what many weekend hacks would have said.

“However, aren’t parallel fairways the best? Said Mickelson. “I am a huge fan of these.”

DeChambeau touched a fairway off the tee for the first time. After Mickelson bragged about DeChambeau’s corner play, he missed his number and hit his ball over the green. Koepka’s second shot landed on the green, but he left another short putt on his birdie try.

“I would make some sarcastic comments about it, but I still have to hit a normal putt,” DeChambeau said.

He did.

Results: Tied with the pars.

N ° 5: By 5

On the only par 5 of the match, both players won the fairway bunker. DeChambeau’s shot, however, went much further. Mickelson was impressed.

“I mean, it’s so attractive,” Mickelson said. “I don’t even know what to say about this.”

“Phil, do you like it?” Asked DeChambeau.

“I love it,” Mickelson said.

“I hit that good, man, just for you,” DeChambeau said. “Hey, I still have to finish the hole, though. It’s never guaranteed, just like the last hole. We’ve talked about that length all the time. It’s great, but I still have to get it in the hole. . “

The conversation turned out to be prophetic. Koepka, who was complaining about missing his second shot, found the green and looked like an eagle. DeChambeau’s second shot cut down a tree and failed.

DeChambeau chipped up to about 6 feet. Koepka landed two putts of about 40 feet for a birdie. Then DeChambeau, inexplicably, missed his birdie to fall 2 holes lower.

As the show went public, Brian Anderson, playing TNT play-by-play, reminded viewers that this was a 12-hole game.

Koepka, because he has an earpiece and can hear Anderson, Mickelson, and Barkley, smiles.

“It won’t fit at 12,” he said.

Results: Koepka wins with birdie.

N ° 6: By 3

Koepka’s putts start to fall and the four-time majors champion threatens to flee DeChambeau with a 3-point lead after six holes.

On the second par 3 of the match, Koepka hit a hit, his ball landing about 11 feet from the hole. DeChambeau’s ball landed on the right, but came back under the hole about 14 feet. DeChambeau missed his putt; Koepka emptied his.

“Questions?” said Koepka.

“Man, I haven’t seen hits like this since Phil and I put it on [Peyton Manning] and Steph [Curry]”said Barkley.

“A concentrated Koepka is a difficult Koepka,” said Mickelson.

Results: Koepka wins with birdie.

N ° 7: Par 4

As the game moved away from DeChambeau, Mickelson, U.S. Ryder Cup co-captain at Whistling Straits, attempted to cheer him on before DeChambeau’s tee shot at number 7.

“Bryson, the same thing we talked about at the Ryder Cup with number 9,” ​​Mickelson told him. “Put your brain in theta. “

“Yeah, just in that sweet spot between parasympathetic and sympathetic,” DeChambeau said.

“Chuck, do you understand? Koepka asked Barkley.

“Hell no,” Barkley said.

DeChambeau’s drive started to the left, struck a tree, bounced off the cart path and landed in an adjacent fairway. After DeChambeau explained the difference between alpha, beta, delta, and theta brainwaves, Barkley told Mickelson, “Dude, I’m telling you, I have to keep the two of you apart. You’re dangerous together.”

“How about a walk across the country with us?” Said Mickelson.

DeChambeau’s brain apparently stayed in beta mode; he missed a good birdie look to collect one.

Results: Tied with the pars.

N ° 8: normal 4

As Koepka waited to put the finishing touches on this one, he shared a terrific story about bringing the US Open trophy to Las Vegas after winning his first major at Erin Hills in 2017.

His younger brother, Ricky Elliott, wanted to win the trophy in town. One restaurant wouldn’t let them bring the trophy inside – only big guys like the Stanley Cup were allowed – so Koepka left the trophy in a drawer in the host stand.

When Elliott returned to his room that evening, he left the trophy outside the room. They only found out that it was missing the next day.

“We were in a panic because we didn’t know where it was,” Koepka said.

DeChambeau missed his birdie putt on No.8, Koepka made his to go up 4 with four holes left.

He’s probably going to have another trophy to lose.

Results: Koepka wins with birdie.

N ° 9: Par 3

And it will. DeChambeau conceded the game after missing a birdie putt on the ninth hole, giving Koepka a 5 & 3 victory in a 12 hole game.

You could feel DeChambeau’s frustration on the T-shirt.

“Where is it on the PGA Tour, man?” DeChambeau asked Koepka. “You are playing so well right now.”

“It’s kind of like my major right now, isn’t it?” Said Koepka.

“I guess so,” DeChambeau said.

“I don’t play again until April,” Koepka said. “I’m not gonna lie, I just wanted to spank you.”

“Does this want you to play with [Bryson] more? ”Koepka was asked.“ No, I’m fine. ”

Results: Koepka wins with birdie.

Before the match

Let’s compare what the two did:

And what they did when they were in the same group:

Let the garbage begin

PGA Tour officials don’t want fans to laugh at DeChambeau with cries of “Brooksy” at his events, but that rule apparently doesn’t apply to Koepka. His journey for Friday’s game includes several of his favorite verbal punches towards DeChambeau:

  • “2 shorts of a 6 pack”

  • “Come on Brooksy”

  • “There is an ant”

  • “Sorry brother.”

Let the insults begin.

Just say “Brooksy”

At an otherwise unremarkable pre-match press conference – in fact, fans asking questions at a live event – about an hour before the start, Koepka and DeChambeau were asked. which they would whisper to their opponent if the other had a putt to win on the 12th hole.

“’Brooksy’ seems to touch him a bit,” Koepka said. “He had to go on the Tour to get them to stop.”

“It’s simple: I would just walk on the way of the pointed carts,” replied DeChambeau.

Of course, it was the sound of DeChambeau’s spikes that made Koepka’s eyes roll during a post-tour interview at the PGA Championship at Kiawah Island in May. Even Koepka admitted on Friday that the incident sent their beef to another level.

“The spikes drowned out the sound of his mouth,” Koepka said. “I liked hearing the spikes.”

Tom Brady has ideas

Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady, who played with Phil Mickelson against Tiger Woods and Peyton Manning a year ago, has previously spoken of his former partner, who offers television commentary with Charles Barkley.

About Darnell Yu

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